tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post1674094109023205736..comments2014-12-12T18:07:42.274-05:00Comments on Seminar in Composition : Prompt 1: Race equalityAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post-32784350171732506312014-10-19T12:00:37.845-04:002014-10-19T12:00:37.845-04:00Your intro is messy - it seems rushed. You don’t...Your intro is messy - it seems rushed. You don’t really have a thesis (or nothing that should be called a thesis), even though the prompt very clearly called for one. Your second paragraph is an ok summary of certain parts of Lewontin, but it’s also long and unfocused - if something really needs summarized for a particular argument to make sense, fine - but where’s the argument? What does this summary support? Your summary of your article is also ok, but again lacks a clear direction.<br /><br />Your conclusion is also hastily written, and while it presents a kind of argument (clearly you think that the article & Lewontin support one another) the argument seems both basic and simplistic - one summary supporting another summary, rather than any of Lewontin’s substantive ideas being used to analyze/investigate the article.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.com