tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post2388331292354922754..comments2014-12-12T18:07:42.274-05:00Comments on Seminar in Composition : Lewontin prompt 2Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post-82634726346430801352014-10-26T21:17:14.416-04:002014-10-26T21:17:14.416-04:00In your introduction your topic seems fine, althou...In your introduction your topic seems fine, although your actual argument is a little vaguely expressed. Also, your proofreading is horrific - some sentences are hard to understand there are so many mistakes.<br /><br />Your 2nd paragraph is an awful lot better. Your argument could still be clarified a little, but your tight focus on what is most signficant in Lewontin is genuinely good. With a slightly clearer thesis, you could have just touched this up and cut the 1st paragraph entirely.<br /><br />The third paragraph is overdone. I don't doubt that some of this material was necessary - and you certainly have a great grasp on a certain thread within Lewontin's thought. The problem is that you only hastily summarize your article, and don't say that much about how you interpret it through Lewontin. All of your previous material about how organisms shape their own environments seems almost pointless here. I mean, I understand what you're getting at, but the balance is off - you have good and details background information in service of a hasty and abbreviated argument, when the real argument (in this case, about the article) needed to be foregrounded to succeed.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.com