tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post4833041765738385514..comments2014-12-12T18:07:42.274-05:00Comments on Seminar in Composition : Prompt 1Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post-52561241484050533942014-09-06T10:36:36.973-04:002014-09-06T10:36:36.973-04:00Your introduction is clever and well-written. Is ...Your introduction is clever and well-written. Is it effective? Maybe, but it's a little long for what it does. Most of Abbey's fiction, unsurprisingly, has an apocalyptic dimension - Good News, Fire on the Mountain, The Monkey Wrench Gang and maybe The Brave Cowboy are all in this vein. <br /><br />The second paragraph is fine, but also a little unfocused. Abbey obviously has issues with development - what is your less obvious, focused argument about that opposition?<br /><br />The third paragraph is much better. "An apparent divine presence inflicting such hardship seems to suggest that nature is not a force to be reckoned with. The reader surmises that Mr. Graham is a manipulative force propelling Mr. Husk’s despair and is furthermore driven by greed to murder Mr. Husk and his son, Billy-Joe." I would have liked to see this argument begin more clearly even in the first paragraph, and to see you give more attention to the divine (or demonic) hand operating through the chapter. The idea is great, but you aren't really focusing directly on it.<br /><br />The fourth paragraph begins to provide evidence for the argument which is emerging in the third paragraph. Good.<br /><br />I like getting your personal viewpoint at the end, but would prefer that it, too, be more focused. If you're trying to focus on his portrayal of nature as a kind of raging god, why not frame your personal response also around that image. In other words, I suspect that your real issue is with his apolcayptic way of thinking - I'd like to see you foreground that.<br /><br />Note that Olivia, too, sees a lot of potential here for a longer essay.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post-6289161095728961732014-09-05T14:19:03.656-04:002014-09-05T14:19:03.656-04:00Hey I thought your essay was really well written y...Hey I thought your essay was really well written you had a clear sense of organization and a clear argument. I think you have a lot of potential to expand on this and turn it into a longer paper. While writing your paper I think I would try and chose between getting more in depth with rocks and the literary devices or meaning he creates within the chapter, or expand on your last paragraph and discus why you don't totally agree with him. I would then try and cut down on the topic your not taking. I think your argument is solid, but if you are going to discus rocks in more depth you should try and explore how Abby's argument is more or less effective because of the chapter rock's. I really like how you didn't jump strait into rocks and gave us quotes from other chapters to help establish Abby's perspective on humanity and development. It gave your essay better context. I also thought the quality and quantity of evidence was well balanced, and you did a great job naturally embedding your quotes. <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02877184562318505407noreply@blogger.com