tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post8761585908757659914..comments2014-12-12T18:07:42.274-05:00Comments on Seminar in Composition : Week 2 Prompt 1 Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post-77229146742252104132014-09-21T14:08:35.523-04:002014-09-21T14:08:35.523-04:00Your first three paragraphs are redundant - they c...Your first three paragraphs are redundant - they could easily have been trimmed down to one relatively short paragraph. Work on your comma usage - you add unnecessary commas.<br /><br />Example 1: The first comma shouldn't be here. "He isolates himself, from all mankind, showing his lack of interest in his fellow species."<br /><br />Example 2: The first comma shouldn't be here. "The passage on page 154, illustrated how Abbey is able confront mankind for all their wrongdoings against nature."<br /><br />Review your style guide on commas. This page is fine too: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/owlprint/607/<br /><br />Most of this essay is a series of impressions. Unfortunately, you have a tendency to borrow your impressions without citation: http://www.epinions.com/review/Desert_Solitaire_by_Edward_Abbey/content_427069247108?sb=1. Don't do that again.<br /><br />I continue to like what you have to say about the horse, but you need to develop those thoughts and polish them, rather than misusing other people's words and wandering in random directions.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104678730176687014.post-74068669892468636112014-09-19T15:35:23.240-04:002014-09-19T15:35:23.240-04:00There were two different critiques I have regardin...There were two different critiques I have regarding your essay. The first is that the introduction about Abbey's misanthropy is pretty repetitive. The same idea is reiterated multiple times over throughout the first two paragraphs. I would recommend that you cut the first two paragraphs down into a few sentences. Or you could expand on the idea while not repeating the idea to take the place for the fist two paragraphs.<br />Also, it seems that the essay conflicts with itself. You originally start out by saying that Abbey is a misanthropist and provide textual examples of it as evidence, yet a few paragraphs down (the fifth paragraph) you say his take on people is humorous and warm, and that he truly only despises the government officials that try to regulate the wilderness. The fact that you argue both ideas at different points in the essay makes it difficult to pinpoint the argument that the essay is making. I would recommend trying to discern which way you want the essay to go, and eliminate all text that is for the other argument. This way, your essay can make a more clear and concise argument as a whole.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08031919079084568066noreply@blogger.com